Olivia Ivings "Santa Attends A.A. Meetings"

PUBLISHED IN FOLIO 2022: VOL. 37.

“We look at the world once, in childhood.The rest is memory.” –LOUISE GLÜCK

Every Tuesday, my brother would watch

Members of the Fellowship caravan to the church

where a man who looked like Santa smoked

against the clapboard, watching the twitch

of my brother’s finger follow each attendee

from car to meeting.

Once, Santa staggered into our yard,

flicking his cigarette butt.

He said my brother was evil.

My brother stopped sitting on the porch,

believing in nothing greater than the salt pork

and rice we ate on Wednesdays. He quit waiting

for our mother to come home from the night shift.

Squirrels became targets for Roman candles.

Now, twenty-eight and unshaven,

he texts me a photo of him lying beside a deserted church

in a strip-mall. He asks why more churches

don’t have stained glass. He asks if his beard

is growing thick enough.